"WHAT IS THE GOAL OF PARENTING?
TO HELP A CHILD GROW UP TO BECOME
A DECENT HUMAN BEING, A MENSCH,
A PERSON WITH COMPASSION, COMMITMENT AND CARING."
Communication with children should be based on respect and competence;
(a) that the responses maintain the child's and parents' self-respect
(b) that recognition of feelings comes before advice or guidance.
Below are two possible examples of situations in which the course provides knowledge
in terms of specific methods and practical examples.
Both children and adults have been asked what they think this child feels after hearing these answers - some of the answers are "I feel stupid, have a bad conscience, feel defiance, mom/dad doesn’t understand anything" ...
What then should I adult say?
An upset child must meet the recognition of its feelings, regardless of whether or not you agree. Only after you have given the child your full attention, you can come up with advice and possible corrections.
During the course we will present 4 specific methods to recognize the feelings of a child.
Blaming and accusing: You never put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher. Why won’t you ever learn?
Name calling: You're a filthy animal! It will smell leftovers throughout the house!
Threats: If you don’t to put them in the dishwasher right away, then ...
Comparisons: I really wish you were more like your sister ...
Sarcasm: Oh, so you put them on the kitchen counter? You are really clever. Don’t you know that there is no secret code to open the door to the dishwasher?
Prophecy: Just keep on like this and you'll never get a girlfriend.
These statements will only nurture defiance, bad conscience and poor self-esteem, thus resulting in anything but cooperation.
What then should I say?
If you want to create an atmosphere that invites cooperation, it must be done without accusations, evaluations, insults or the use of nicknames. Either describe the situation, provide information, or explain your own feelings about the current situation.
During the course you will be presented for 5 specific methods on how to obtain cooperation.
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