History

The following serve to illustrate Dr. Ginott's communications approach:

 

  • Never deny or ignore a child's feelings.
  • Only behavior is treated as unacceptable, not the child.
  • Depersonalize negative interactions by mentioning only the problem. "I see a messy room."
  • Attach rules to things, e.g., "Little sisters are not for hitting."
  • Dependence breeds hostility. Let children do for themselves what they can.
  • Children need to learn to choose, but within the safety of limits. "Would you like to wear this blue shirt or this red one?"
  • Limit criticism to a specific event—don't say "never", "always", as in: "You never listen," "You always manage to spill things", etc.
  • Refrain from using words that you would not want the child to repeat.
  • Ignore irrelevant behavior

 

 

Why "Barnepraten"?

Everyone wants to be treated and treat others with respect.

When it comes to children, this is unfortunately not always the rule. Many of us have inherited a disrespectful communication method towards our children.

Regrettably, this also applies to me.

 

There are numerous of books describing respectful communication with children. I've read many of them and perceive everything as very logical and sensible.

 

So why don’t I get it?

 

I'm not a child psychologist. I am a happily married engineer with two wonderful children living in Sandnes. I am also a typically engaged and impulsive mother, and quite short-tempered at times.

 

Unfortunately my kids (and husband) have been witnesses to my temper tantrums more than once ...

 

Now the kids have grown to be 9 and 12 years old, and in recent years I have increasingly felt the need of another way of communicating with my children. It's so often that my communication with the kids ends with my temper rocket taking off…

 

The last few years, I have read a pile of books on communicating with children, looking for a method that leads to a collaboration with less friction. A method that gives us tools to avoid communication where almost everything ends up in arguments and shouting and, in particular, gives the children a natural inner strength and faith in themselves.

 

I looked for a method that helps me avoid spending so much time and energy on arguments and instead focus on creating a more harmonious and safe atmosphere in my family.

 

Perhaps I demanded too much?

 

Coincidentally, I came across "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

Here I found exactly what I was looking for,

and the book hit me right in the heart.

 

The best thing about the book was that it was full of specific methods with examples that easily explained to me how this should be done. Now, the only thing I had to do was to begin implementing this in my everyday life. That shouldn’t be too difficult.

 

I tried to use the methods, but when my rocket took off again, all methods were forgotten. On the other hand, when I managed to use them, the conflicts were actually prevented before they even

managed to become conflicts. Magic.

I quickly realized that I had to get better, but I also realized that to get better I had to practice – a lot. To me, this was like learning a new language, as this way of communicating was not something I was brought up with. Luckily I started working as a teacher, which gave me another excellent arena in which to use these methods in addition to my own home.

 

On the authors website, they present a workshop series that is given all over the world. This was a course I wanted to attend! This would give me the opportunity to share my experiences with others, and be more motivated to actively use these methods.

 

Unfortunately, I found that no one in Norway arranged this course...

Ok, I thought, I will have to arrange a communication course myself.

I spoke to some friends who also had the same challenges, and they wanted to join. What an experience it was!

 

That was the beginning.

 

Now I have established my own little company, "Barnepraten" (Childrens talk), since I want to give others the opportunity

to experience the benefits a communication

built on respect actually provides.

 

Hope you will enjoy this journey with me!

 

Best wishes, Siw

 

Behind "Barnepraten"

"Barnepraten" is based on the courses of Adele Faber og Elaine Mazlish - the authors of the "How to Talk To Kids..." books. Their books are a result of more than 10 years of experience and knowledge from Dr. Haim Ginotts communications methods.

Adele Faber (1928) og Elaine Mazlish are the authors of the book "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk". They are New York Times best-selling and award-winning authors whose books have sold more than five million copies and have been translated into over thirty languages. The authors' workshops and videos are used by thousands of parent and teacher groups around the world. They live in Long Island, New York and are both parents of three children.

 

They have written several books in the series "How to talk ..." that deal with communication with children of all ages. Everything is based on a 10 year seminar program with Dr. Haim Ginott on his communication techniques.

 

Bibliography:

- Liberated Parents/Liberated Children (1974)

- How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk (1980)

- Siblings without Rivalry (1987)

- How to Talk So Kids Can Learn at Home and in School (1995)

- How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk (2006)

- How To Be The Parent You Always Wanted To Be (2013)

 

Haim G. Ginott (1922-1973) was a teacher, a child psychologist, psychotherapist and parenting educator. He established techniques

for talking to children who are still taught today.

 

Ginott's career began as a primary school teacher in Israel in 1947. After emigration to the United States, he studied psychology at Columbia University, where he obtained a doctorate in clinical psychology in 1952.

 

His book "Between Parent and Child" (1965) was on the bestseller list

for over a year and is still popular today. This book describes

how to give "specific advice derived from basic communication

principles that will lead parents to live with children

in mutual respect and dignity."

 

He has also written "Between Parent and Teenager" (1969)

and "Teacher and Child (1975)

I would like to hear from you!

siw@barnepraten.no

+47 91711066

Copyright @ Barnepraten.no